She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
