I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
