So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
