Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
