Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
