I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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