she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
