the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
