I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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