At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
