Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
