Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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