The brown eye won't let me do that either.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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