just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
