I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
