I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
