Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
