some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
