I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
