The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
