Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
