when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
