need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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