All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
