So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
