What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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