At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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