i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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