we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
