And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do herpes really smell.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
