Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
