You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
