So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
