My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sext me about skeletons
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
