just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
