how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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