One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
