I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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