roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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