Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
