There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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