Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
