is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
