I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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