well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do vagina's smell?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my liver is dry heaving
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