the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
