I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
