I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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