i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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