i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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