My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
